I got bumped by Andrew Schulz
and apparently I'm not the only one!
I was in Felton, California not too long ago (great show, thank you Feltonians) with my opener, Torio Van Grol, when he showed me our pal Melissa Villaseñor’s post on Threads about the Brea Improv canceling her Saturday shows to make room for the king of anti-woke comedy, Andrew Schulz.
I immediately felt less alone because back in April this happened to me too, but I felt powerless at the time so I didn’t say anything publicly. See how that ‘ol hashtag became a thing? If this was happening to SNL veteran Melissa, who just starred in the new PIXAR movie Hoppers, then no wonder I got bumped. Okay, alright, I know I have kickass credits1 too, and I wish I could see me how you see me. I’m working on it! Either way I decided to reply to my friend and colleague to commiserate.
I took that video at my mom’s house (Frank did a lot of the heavy lifting). I was dealing with low-grade depression, so it hit me when I was already down. Unlike Melissa I was nowhere near selling out my Denver shows; ‘twas a high ticket alert! And still is. Also unlike Melissa’s situation, the owner of Denver Comedy Works courteously texted me to explain that a “super huge act” wanted my weekend (I’d later find out it was Andrew) and she apologized for having to bump me. She added that perhaps it would give me time to catch up on my ticket sales. I acquiesced because I want to be invited back to one of my favorite comedy clubs and when I’m not selling tickets, I don’t have bargaining power. It’s called show business for a reason. In my defense I have been headlining that club for about eight years and I always seem to get folks out (or pretty close to sellout) albeit often day-of-show.
Melissa and I texted and shared voice notes that day, concluding that all we can do is support and encourage one another to stay authentic and strive to enjoy the job as long as it will have us! Oh and we’re not alone! Some comics who jumped to theaters can’t sell them right now, so they’re going back down to comedy clubs, which pushes comics like me out. The comedy club owner asked why my ticket sales were low and I didn’t really have a good answer. I texted back:
I think I may be one of the last comics who doesn’t pay a PR company, or pay for social media management or pay for Meta boosting right now. It helps to pay to be in your followers’ feeds. My managers suggested I hire a company to geo-target ads on Meta to sell more tickets now that everyone is doing stand-up comedy/touring.
My fan base could be struggling to pay their bills and gas? Who knows maybe they were putting it off for the last second? Or they can’t afford tickets?
Inflaaaation?? Expensive gas and tariff-related price gouging for necessities trace back to that guy who Andrew Schulz had on his podcast (Epstein’s frenemy, linked up top). So planning a night out to see my jokies isn’t in the budge for some folks. My tickets are much cheaper than Andrew Schulz’s but perhaps my fans aren’t investing in bitcoin like they should. Comedy audiences find a way to pack themselves into an arena with thousands of other people to watch Nate Bargatze on a Jumbotron screen. Nate pops up in my Facebook feed when Conservative Christian pages (how’d they get in my timeline?) tout him as the only safe comedian to watch. Conversely Kill Tony sells out Madison Square Garden and popularized slurs for stage time. So I think it’s me; I’m the problem.
My mom shared with me a time when she was feeling down in her career as a music educator. She noticed other teachers at her elementary school were getting student teachers and she wasn’t. My mom had the desire to mentor so she decided to get her Masters in Education with a music concentration! One of the things she learned was how to incorporate technology into her lesson plans now that kids were learning differently in the new digital age. She continued her beloved holiday sharing program and traditions like decorating the maypole, but she also received a grant to build a listening corner so that students could spend time peacefully exploring a wide variety of music. After completing her Masters program my mom’s classroom was a revolving door for student teachers! They were eager to learn from her decades of expertise and passion for music education. My mom didn’t give up, she changed with the times.
She shared that after I told her about a call from my agent three weeks ago letting me know that 2026 is probably my last year touring. My sales have been low and I likely won’t get rebooked for headlining weekends. Touring as heavily as I did the last two years may also be a factor. Too much supply, not enough demand. I can’t beat the TikTokers, they’re too powerful! I deleted the Tok after that bad guy bought it, but I just reinstalled (ugh) because my agent told me if I’m not paying for PR or social reach, I need to post more online. As a last ditch effort I’ve been trying that. The day after the call I posted:
People liked it but I don’t think it converted to ticket sales. This is the type of thing I receive weekly:
What if we (you and me) brainstorm ways that I can enjoy my last tour dates ~AND~ go viral in hopes of gaining more followers so I might get to keep my job!?!?
I’ll start with the ideas:
Film myself doing a high kick in front of a Verizon? What if I got that to #trend and I start doing it with people like the Sprint guy? (his name is Paul)
Get on reality television and be a PROBLEM
Get diagnosed with something… but what? Feel free to pitch on that.
Ask Mr. Beast or Ellen DeGeneres to sponsor me
Sorry those weren’t good ideas. I told you I’m not good at social media. What if I beg you (yes, YOU) to make my tour promo videos for me? Is that wrong? We’re all unpaid interns for Mark Zuckerberg now! What if you made a fun video of yourself saying something like:
“I live in [Denver] and I can’t wait to see Beth Stelling here at [Comedy Works August 6-8]. Last time she was here [insert anecdote i.e. she kicked out a drunk lady by singing Sarah McLachlan]! Follow her on here or she’ll lose her wings.”
Should you desire to be the star of my Instagram stories… please message me your audition to replace me as Head Promoter of my [possibly] final #LetMeGetLoose tour.
I love you so much!
Beth
ticket links for:
As a stand-up comedian I have appeared on Conan, Jimmy Kimmel Live, Chelsea Lately, The Pete Holmes Show, The Carson Daly Show, @midnight, Comedy Central’s “The Half Hour,” Showtime’s “Comedy of SXSW,” season one of The Standups (episode 5!) on Netflix'. My hour special “Girl Daddy” is on HBO Max and my other hour special “If You Didn’t Want Me Then” was on Netflix for two years and now lives on YouTube. I have two free YouTube long sets: “The Landlord Special” and “We’re Looking for People Who Do Huge Numbers On Social Media.”
As a writer I have written on Crashing (HBO), I Love You America with Sarah Silverman (Hulu), Another Period (Comedy Central, now Paramount Plus), The Last O.G. (TBS), Strange Planet (Apple TV+), Rick and Morty (Adult Swim), and a few pilots that never went. I wrote for the Critic’s Choice Awards when Chelsea Handler hosted and Seth Rogen’s Hilarity for Charity the year they filmed it for Netflix. I love writing punch-up and I’ve done that on the following movies: Good Boys, Borat 2, Book Club 2, The Man From Toronto, Champions, Puss In Boots 2, The Bad Guys and Spirited. Punch-up writers don’t get our name in the credits but because I was on set writing for Good Boys I got an Associate Producer credit! I also have the pleasure of being invited to table reads, roundtables and early edits to give feedback. I write jokes and punch-up fellow stand-up comedians and I run a special open mic (nearly) every Monday called The Punch-up Open Mic at UCB. Lastly I am available to do eulogy punch-up (new skill recently unlocked).
I love acting and voiceover. One of my favorite roles was guest starring on Rutherford Falls as Ms. Fish. I enjoyed my role of Natasha on Corporate and had fun acting with Jennifer Grey on Red Oaks. More recently I got a lot of text messages just by playing myself (a TV writer) on Wonderman! It’s an amazing series.
That’s all I can remember right now so this footnote shall serve as a reminder-to-self of how far I’ve come. I made my dream of being funny for a living come true, and I did it without a connection to the industry or a trust fund.
Oof. This really makes me angry. You are the only human I have ever paid to read their writing on this platform. It was the "o-head" article that did it. Your bit about your dad makes me cry-laugh. You are brilliant and understandably just don't want to play the same "look how cool I am on social" game the dummies do. Respect. I think THAT'S why I love your stuff even more. You are so authentic and you care about the quality of your work-- making a loud sound to get attention and see who will turn around is not you. You respect your audience. Here's the thing though- we NEED you right now, you are a bright light in this darkness. So do what your mom did- I love that you explained that to us. She is a badass. But it's easier for you-- you don't even have to go to school -- LUCKY-- all you have to do is find someone out there who loves you and knows how to do this dumb social thing. They exist and are just waiting for you to call them. I'll see you at the Orlando show :) P.S- I want to take my daughter to show her what a quality professional female stand up looks like. She's only 11 though, is that bad parenting? If yes- we will wait a couple more years when you are selling out Madison Square Garden (if that's what you want to do.) I believe you can. xoxoxo
I stand by live feed of your every waking moment as promo.